Writing and Other Forms of Torture

The truth is this: I don't actually like blogging. That explains why there are so few posts here, huh? The problem with blogging is that it's writing, and I'm afraid of writing. Small things I can do; editing newsletters, letters to Matt, witty quips posted as my status on facebook. But everytime I write something, I wondering if it's as good as I think it might be. I'm wondering, "Is there really any potential here or should I just stop?". Here's another truth, I really want to be a good writer, and that's why I'm scared of writing. Because if I find out I'm not any good, where will I be? A dream I've held since my childhood lies in shambles. So far I haven't really "tried" because I'm afraid of rejection. I know from researching getting published that it usually takes awhile before any publisher will put something into print, and I think if I actually spent the time and eneergy to write something, I'd be devistated with the first letter even knowing that bestsellers have been passed up before. Before I became self-concious about all of this stuff, I used to write like crazy. But I wrote for me, and didn't care that no one would ever read it. It would mostly have been embarassing anyway. And occassionally I still write for myself, like here, but I'm not content with only that. I guess even if I suck at it, I could always invest in writing and improve. I just really don't want to suck, and I want the fairytale where I'm just naturally good at something and everyone recognizes it. :sigh: Perhaps I should start with improving my grammar and spelling, eh?